the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
