ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize