Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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