I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
