Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
