Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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