I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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