Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
