i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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