So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
