um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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