please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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