We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
