I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
