I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
