Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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