my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
