Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
