I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
