those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
