Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
