so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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