fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So. Much. Porn.
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