didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
