I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
