As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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