You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
