Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
