my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
