The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
