I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
