Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
