He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
