She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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