Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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