i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
