i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
