u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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