Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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