if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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