dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
