Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your penis caused this!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
