she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
