So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
