if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
