I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
