I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
