i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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