omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
