maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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